If You Feed By Being Validated By Others, You Will Always Feel Hungry and Dissatisfied.
“You are not good enough.” A haunting narrative that often speaks loudly in the minds of some. It causes people to turn against themselves and become their own bully, leaving a sense of emptiness or brokenness. Since this feeling can be so paralyzing, there is a tendency to rely on others to regain the strength and courage to push forward which is not a bad thing until negative influences start to poison them, intentionally or unintentionally.
I remember when I first experienced this feeling at 5 years old. I was playing with my little brother and was trying to show him how to play with this one toy. As I went to go grab it to demonstrate, he screamed, thinking I was taking it away from him. My mom heard it and told me to stop bothering him. I was confused and distraught because she didn’t even know that I was only trying to help.
Looking back at it now, it seemed so little and happened so quickly but it took just that one interaction and misconception to start the cycle of self-sabotage. See, most of us, if not all, weren’t taught to work through our emotions nor create space to understand one another. We were taught that things were either right or wrong, or good or bad, and that we had to follow rules, not realizing that these are all subjective to the beliefs of our family, friends and society based on their own experiences, most likely under some sort of negative influence.
Since we were not given space to be ourselves without the conditions of others, we naturally acquired the belief that our worth is determined by the opinions of others. It’s important that we create space for ourselves and others to BE without enforcing any opinions, specifically conditioned by limiting beliefs. In all actuality, each and every one of us were created in an individualized nature because it was predestined for us, as humans, to learn how to find our place in this world, understand and accept our differences, and compliment one another as we grow through our lives. All in all, it is our birthright to love and accept ourselves and others, unconditionally.
How can I heal from this?
Close your eyes and breathe deeply. When you‘ve reached a calm state, ask yourself, “when was the first time I experienced the feeling of not being enough?” An image may appear or the feelings associated with it may surface first. Once you’ve figured it out, show compassion for your inner child and those involved. You weren’t taught how to work through your emotions in an effective manner nor did those individuals fully understand the consequences of their conditions. Hug your inner child and give him/her the nurturing you may have never gotten.
Image by Unknown Artist